Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
