I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
