if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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