Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
