I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
