My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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