it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
