you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
