He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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