How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
