I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
