How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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