I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
