i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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