No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i've created a new STD.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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