I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
