I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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