I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
