like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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