It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
