I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
