you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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