No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
