We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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