I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
