He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
