yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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