Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
