I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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