Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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