No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
