Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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