please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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