Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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