Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
