I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
vagina is talking i cant
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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