Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize