I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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