i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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