their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
