Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Let's paint friendship bongs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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