You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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