I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
