Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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