just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
