I love black thongs
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
