Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
