with your own penis?
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
