so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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