Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They took my balls.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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