the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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