The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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