Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
