Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize