so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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