Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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