WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
