if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
