i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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