piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
