i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
