You don't have asthma, your pregnant
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Your dad touched me again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm determined to sit on that face.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
