I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
