he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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