What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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