So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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