hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
