he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
