It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
