My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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